As we age, it’s easy to focus on the things we feel we’ve lost—the speed we once had, the resilience that made us feel unbreakable, or the flexibility that made movement feel effortless. The tone of our internal voices or to those we love, can easily focus on what we can no longer do. Instead, wellness in aging is about embracing what we can do, the insight we have garnered about ourselves and finding joy in new possibilities, at every stage of life.
The other night I dropped my 19 year old daughter and her boyfriend off to a party (I know, I am an ace mum), and on the way we passed a pub which was overflowing with unwrinkled, flat-stomached, unjaded 20-somethings. In my slow motion montage enviously observing their carefree laughter, I momentarily felt a pang of jealousy and longing for their lack of stretch marks, financial obligation and general air of carelessness. I quickly aborted this pointless quest, not only smug in the knowledge that they too will turn 50, but also thinking about how much more insight I have now into my own body, its physiology and an understanding of what I will be able to look forward to as I move in to old age.
Aging wellness means shifting our mindset from limitation to opportunity. While our bodies change, they also adapt, and this brings us into a new phase where we can focus on longevity, strength, and resilience in ways that are meaningful to us now. It’s about acknowledging that while we may not run as fast, we can hike longer, balance better, and prioritise movement that enriches us without injury.
My lovely dad is turning 80 next year and he recently suffered a set back to his health that impaired his daily bike ride and walk for the near future. When Dad was 50 he was my exercise hero. He ran every day, was constantly outside in his stubby shorts, no shirt and in thongs (flip flops), gardening, hand-washing the car in the driveway or burning off leaves in the street gutters. I have adopted so many of his habits, (except the bit about running around in stubby shorts without a shirt), something that was highlighted to me recently on a trip to Egypt with my Mum. However I don't think she was being overly complimentary at the time when she said, 'Crikey you're like your father Jaq, I never realised how much until now'!
That unkindness aside, it did make me think about how I will fair being 80 as Dad is, and experiencing a significant shift in what I can do physically. Knowing how I am, I don't think this will go well. But then I started to think about it differently. In my 50s I have now more insight into how my body works, what it needs and the great things it can do. In my 20s I was ignorant around discipline, exercise recovery, nutrition, heart health, mental health and spirituality, all of which I know embrace. This has enabled me to navigate sickness, a major knee reconstruction, exhaustion and menopause of recent years.
There’s a lot we can gain by embracing the present instead of mourning the past. Strength training, for example, helps maintain muscle mass and bone density, keeping us active and independent. Gentle movement, like yoga and Pilates, can enhance flexibility and balance, reducing fall risk and improving quality of life. Mental wellness is equally essential, and we can take time to cultivate mindfulness, gratitude, and purpose. By focusing on what our bodies and minds can do, we create a foundation of well-being that makes every age a good one.
I presented this to Mum and my brother, and suggested that we change our messaging to Dad as an opportunity to assess what he can do, not what he can't. Mentally this is a much better place to put himself in for recovery and support for the next few years and make it an enjoyable life experience, not a drudge or chore. He can feel empowered to make choices that mean he is getting the best out of life for himself, not just withering away under a cloud of loss or sadness. Our aging population need to stop being told you can't do this or that, but instead they are lucky to have the time to enjoy this, or really embrace the benefits of that.
Think about yourself today, and then 30 years from now. Think about what you love doing now and what you think is realistic to do then. Are there other disciplines, activities, experiences or a state of mind that you think you can achieve without the current load of obligation or restraint? Visualise that for yourself, write it down or meditate to it. These are things to look forward to and embrace. Think of that when you interact with an aging loved one. How can you make them feel proud of what they can still do?
In short, aging wellness is a choice. It’s a chance to let go of “I can’t” and embrace “I will.” We celebrate the possibilities, cultivate new strengths, and create a future that we feel empowered to enjoy.
